Reading Public School Message on Parkland Tragedy: How to talk to children about this sad event

 

Just before February vacation, our country’s schools were dealt a sad and terrible school tragedy with another school shooting, this time in Parkland, Florida, resulting in the deaths of 17 students and staff members. Our hearts go out to the staff and students and their families of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School and the Parkland community.

 
When a tragedy like this strikes, everyone’s sense of safety becomes uncertain. As members of a school community, we find ourselves trying to answer our own and our children’s questions that have no real answers. Below are some tips that have been provided by the National Association of School Psychologists on how to talk to children about violence.  Feel free to use these as you help your children cope with this sad event.

 

If you see a child exhibit any unusual fears or is acting differently, please work with your school’s counseling and support staff to address those issues.  Many times, we do not know if events like these trigger other events that students have gone through in their lives.  The majority of our Reading Public School staff have been trained in Youth Mental Health First Aid and we have learned that the more aware people are aware of what effective supports and treatments exist, the more young people will get the appropriate help that they need.

 

As a school district, this is also a time to take a look and review our safety plans and what we currently do in our schools regarding safety and security.  Over the next several weeks, I will be working with police, fire, and school staff to review our current safety plans.  It is unfortunate events like this that remind us that our schools are not built as fortresses; rather, public institutions of learning for our students and our staff.  We can however, be as prepared as we can possibly be in the event that an intruder enters one of our schools.  For the last several years, and continuing throughout this school year, each school has been going through ALICE, Fire, and Shelter in Place drills. Our safety plans have been updated and reflect the latest best practices.  In addition, we have a very strong working relationship with the Reading Police Department and the Reading Fire Department. These drills are extremely important so that we can practice a possible event ahead of time and identify any areas that we need to improve before a real event occurs.

 

In addition to our drills, please be reminded of the following to improve our safety and security procedures:

1.     All visitors should buzz in at the main entrance of the school, state their purpose, be buzzed in, and check in the main office and receive a badge.  There are no exceptions to this rule.   If you are picking up a student, they need to provide a photo identification and be on the emergency list for adults who can dismiss a student.  If you see a visitor without a badge, please escort them to the main office to receive one.

2.     We keep all exterior doors closed and locked during the school day.  This prevents visitors from entering without being recognized.

If you have any questions about our school safety procedures, please do not hesitate to contact your building principal.  Thank you for your support and diligence on this important issue.

Over the next few weeks, we will be having our second ALICE drill of the school year.  Prior to those drills, we will be reviewing with our students, in a developmentally appropriate way, the importance of conducting ALICE, fire and evacuation drills, and shelter in place drills.

The safety and security of our students and staff are our utmost priority.  If you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact your child’s building principal.

Life is precious – may we all be reminded today of what’s really important – family, friends, and caring for one another.  Thank you for your continued support of the Reading Public Schools.

Talking to Children About Violence:

Tips for Parents and Teachers

High profile acts of violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved-ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security and talking with them about their fears.

1. Reassure children that they are safe. Emphasize that schools are very safe. Validate their feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs. Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately.

2. Make time to talk. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. Be patient. Children and youth do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.

3. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.

Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.

Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.

Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs.

4. Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at school and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and in the community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk.

5. Observe children’s emotional state. Some children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can indicate a child’s level of anxiety or discomfort. In most children, these symptoms will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may be at risk for more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Seek the help of mental health professional if you are at all concerned.

6. Limit television viewing of these events. Limit television viewing and be aware if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Adults also need to be mindful of the content of conversations that they have with each other in front of children, even teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry comments that might be misunderstood.

7. Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed.

Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children

Schools are safe places. School staff work with parents and public safety providers (local police and fire departments, emergency responders, hospitals, etc.) to keep you safe.

The school building is safe because … (cite specific school procedures).

We all play a role in the school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous or frightened.

There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.

Don’t dwell on the worst possibilities. Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect our school.

Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routine, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event.

Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to handle their anger, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from mental illness. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or angry and to stay away from drugs and alcohol.

Stay away from guns and other weapons. Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun. Access to guns is one of the leading risk factors for deadly violence.

Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.

Other Resources:

Listed below are other resources that I hope you find helpful.

1.     Talking to Children About Violence:  Tips for Parents and Teachers

2.     National Association of School Psychologists Website-A National Tragedy:  Helping Students Cope

3.     Care for Caregivers:  Tips for Families and Educators

4.  American Psychological Society:  Talking to Your Children About the Recent Spate of School Shootings

  

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